Neglecting your partner may not be deliberate, but it can nevertheless create a divide in your relationship. Here’s how to fix this according to Azah Yazmin, a relationship therapist at Bright Conselling.
Warning sign #1: The last time you had sex was a month or two ago
There are many reasons why couples start neglecting sex. It could be distance, for example, where one of you works in another state and the other stays at home with the kids. Or, it could be physical exhaustion brought on by graveyard shifts or health issues. Whatever it is, if your relationship lacks emotional safety – connections formed with your husband – and sex takes a backseat, this is a relationship red flag. A simple way to determine whether or not you have emotional safety is to ask these questions:
- “Are you there for me?”
- “Do I matter to you?”
- “Are you emotionally connected to me?”
- “Will you come when I call?”
- “Will you be there when I need you the most?”
- “Will you cherish me?”
- “Do I come first to you?”
If all the answers are “yes”, then it does not matter how frequent or pleasurable sex is. But if the answers are mostly “no”, you need to start thinking about ways to repair the connection.
Ask each other how sex feels now, when both your bodies have changed with age, then talk about what turns the both of you on and what you find sexy about each other. Start by building a safe, playful vibe around sex, so it’s not a loaded conversation. Explore your desires together and make it fun.
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