Imagine this: it’s a huge family gathering that takes place only once or twice a year and when you introduce your child, great-grandma or an uncle leans in for a hug only for your child to either shriek their displeasure or run away and hide behind your legs. Does this sound familiar? You may try to coax or force your child into returning the hug (or kiss) and you may believe that this will encourage them to be kinder and enforce better social interactions and niceties as they grow up, but in truth, you’ll be blurring the line for them when it comes to consent.
Why it’s a no-no?
Lori Day, an educational psychologist and author stresses, “Children can be fickle and unpredictable at family gatherings. It is important that parents affirm the boundaries that children set, even if it means running from great-grandma.” She continues to add that forcing your child into such gestures teaches them that they have no control over their own bodies and that “the needs of adults supersede the needs of children.”.
Dr Andrea Bastiani Archibald, a developmental psychologist echoes these sentiments as well as she explains that “the lessons girls learn when they’re young about setting physical boundaries and expecting them to be respected last a lifetime.” Though make no mistake, this applies to both boys and girls. And by respecting your child’s wishes, you’re also opening the gate for them to come to you for help if lines are ever crossed in the future. Think about it: would you appreciate it if you were forced as an adult today to do something you are reluctant to do – especially physical gestures of affection and intimacy?
What can you do?
Instead, encourage your child to say ‘hi’, or wave to said relative. Explain to your friends and relatives that you are teaching your child about consent and encourage them to ask your child first if they would like a hug or a kiss. Even if some people may take it the wrong way or a relative may end up disappointed, remember that you shouldn’t have to placate anyone at the expense of your child’s comfort and rights.
For more information on how you can keep your kids safe (if they do get the heebie jeebies from certain people), check out our Musing Mums podcast HERE.
The post Why You Should Never Force Your Child To Hug appeared first on Her Inspirasi.
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