As much to our dismay as it is when we find out our kids have lied to us, it’s important to remember that how you respond to it will ultimately, determine if they will be more open in communicating the truth to you or shutting down in the future. To better the bond between you and your little one, check out how we’d recommend you to react in these five scenarios:
1. If your child is caught telling a fantasy lie…
This is especially popular amongst preschoolers and you don’t want to be too harsh, lest you rob them of their creativity as they grow up! For example, if they say something such as, “I saw Santa Claus last night”, ask gently, “Did that really happen? Is that really the truth? Or is it something you wish was the truth?” As they may be too young to understand the nuances of the consequences of lying, establish a negative direct relationship between lying and a person people are less likely to be friends with. That way, they’ll think twice. But do reinforce to them as well that it’s okay to have fantasies and to express them as long as they can distinguish between reality and make believe.
2. If your child is lying to brag…
This is a common and understandable issue, but it begs further discussion with your child as it can point to a lack of attention in your part (and they brag as a result to seek your attention and approval) or that they suffer from low self-esteem. Have a heart-to-heart with him or her and make them understand why such lies do not benefit anyone and how it may reflect badly on them if others were to find out they were just empty statements. Alternatively, seek out extracurricular activities that can help them develop social skills whilst boosting confidence.
3. If your child broke something…
If your child has learnt that you fly off the handle when it comes to such issues, you can bet they aren’t going to come clean if they are guilty. Firstly, always check your reactions beforehand and don’t blow your top if the situation doesn’t actually warrant it. Then, make it clear to them that while you may be a little upset that the object is broken, you understand it was an accident and you would rather they confess to it, which will be a trait you’ll commend. Once they understand that there is a positive connection between telling the truth no matter the difficult situation, it will make it easier for them to open up to you about graver issues in the future.
4. If your child lied about their results…
Perhaps the most common on the list, you need to ask yourself if you’re being too hard on your child when it comes to academic achievements to the point that they feel the need to lie about them. It goes without saying that you want only the best for your little one and as a society, we are still very much stuck on the misconception that academic performances determine intelligence, and we equate it to success. But not every child will be the same and comparing them to say, their classmate is as demotivating as it is unfair.
Understand where your child’s strengths lie by asking them about it. Ask them questions such as, “How come you fared better with these subjects? Are these your favourite subjects?” and “Do you not enjoy or understand these subjects which is why you scored low on them?” Once you’ve ascertained that, focus on the good and give them due praise (whether it’s because they’ve scored well for English or Art), then, turn their attention gently but firmly to the ones they did badly in. Tell them you understand that the subjects are difficult, but you believe that they have the potential to do better (your confidence in them will in turn, motivate them) then ask them “How do you think they can score higher in the next exam?” Too often, children will end up thinking: “Does my mother/father think these subjects are easy? I’d like to see them do better!” By addressing their difficulties, you’re proving to them that you’re on this journey with them and it’s not a one-way street where they bear the burden of your high expectations.
5. If your child is lying about a relationship…
As much as you hate to think about it, children are starting younger and younger when it comes to developing crushes and getting into relationships – especially at the early teen stage. Naturally, you’ll feel protective and that “they’re too young to know anything”. While you are undoubtedly, equipped with more insight, it is both patronising and unfair to invalidate and belittle your child’s feelings. Plus, think of how you’d react if someone did the same to you. Do note that this does not apply if you suspect your child is being groomed by a sexual predator or involved with a much older person.
Instead, no matter how uncomfortable and awkward it makes you feel, have an earnest conversation with them try not to force details out of them (they’ll just clam up) – they’ll tell you the full story once they feel they can trust you and you won’t immediately jump to judgmental conclusions. Instead, tell them that you are legitimately worried about them being hurt (make it about their wellbeing) – try to avoid using the term “taken advantage of” or making the person your child is involved with as terrible as this will usually be met with fierce defiance or resistance. Open up to them about your previous hurts and relationships so that they can see you as relatable as opposed to an authoritative figure raining fire down on them.
The post How To Get Your Kid To Tell The Truth In Any Scenario appeared first on Her Inspirasi.
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